i think i just need to vent for a little bit.
after giving birth and having to take care of my baby, watch him, and do everything alone because my partner had to go back to work for some reason and his job became very demanding in that moment… it was a lot. he was supposed to go back in two weeks, but he had to go back a week earlier, and i remember thinking, “okay… now i have to do this by myself.”
nobody really talks about what the mom goes through after having the baby. everyone talks about the baby. everyone wants to see the baby. everyone asks about the baby. but nobody really asks how mom is doing.
those first days were so difficult. so painful. i was recovering from stitches, using big diapers, breastfeeding, trying to figure out how to take care of a whole human being, dealing with all these emotions, and at the same time trying to figure out how to help myself get through it.
and honestly, nobody came to see me during those first days. everybody wanted to come see the baby, but now, months later, it feels like nobody even wants to come here and ask me how i’m doing.
and i think that’s why i’m becoming such a asocial person now. because i feel so isolated all the time.
i’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety before pregnancy, after birth i start therapy and it has been good. it really has. but at the same time, i still feel lonely. i feel like i have no energy. i’m so tired all the time. and lately it feels like everything is becoming more and more intense.
i’m even going to make an appointment with my ob because i want to make sure i’m not missing something physically, like a vitamin deficiency or something, because even though i’m taking my prenatals, i feel like my body and my mind are done.
i think this is just my way of expressing how i feel without feeling judged, because everybody seems to assume that you’re okay once the baby is okay.
and i’ve been trying. i’ve been working so hard to be okay. i’ve been trying to handle everything, to be a good mom, to breastfeed, to take care of my baby, to take care of the house, to take care of myself, and somehow i’m still expected to just keep going.
i don’t really have anybody to talk to about this. my partner is working, and honestly, sometimes i feel like he doesn’t understand how i feel. and it’s difficult for me to explain something to somebody who doesn’t understand it or doesn’t put themselves in my position.
of course he’s a man, and he’ll never experience motherhood the way i do. but sometimes i just wish i didn’t have to explain why this is hard.
it’s been a very quiet journey.
and don’t get me wrong, i’m so grateful for this journey. i’m so happy i get to be a mom. i love my baby more than anything. but at the same time, i am very, very, very tired of carrying all of these emotions alone.
it feels like i’ve been carrying a heavy backpack on my back since i left the hospital, and sometimes i just want to explode.
i’m not sharing this because i want anyone to feel bad for me. i’m not sharing it for attention. i think i just need to vent. i need to say how i actually feel without pretending that everything is okay.
i don’t want anybody who sees this to judge me or think differently about me.
i’m just lonely.
i’m not really connecting with anybody right now, and honestly, this community has been helping me more than people probably realize. seeing other moms going through motherhood in their own ways makes me feel a little less alone.
i’m just trying to figure it out. i’m learning as i go. i’m accepting that motherhood is new for me too.
but right now, i’m just trying to survive.
i’ve been in survival mode since i left the hospital.
so if you read all of this, thank you. 
sending you a lot of love and prayers 
thank you so much 
It was really overwhelming especially while healing and worried about my baby.
