I almost convinced myself that breastfeeding just wasn’t meant for me. 
When my first daughter was born, she never latched. I tried everything, but every feeding ended in frustration and tears—usually mine.
One of the hardest parts wasn’t just the feeding itself. It was feeling discouraged. I remember leaving appointments with the lactation consultant feeling like I was doing everything wrong instead of feeling supported. Whether that was the intention or not, I walked away believing my body had failed me.
I exclusively pumped for three months. I was so determined to make it work that every ounce felt precious. I literally cried over spilled milk because I knew how much time, energy, and emotion had gone into pumping it. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t just grieving the milk—I was grieving the breastfeeding journey I thought I was supposed to have.
Eventually, I had to make one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made as a mom. My mental health was suffering, and I knew I couldn’t keep pouring from an empty cup. We switched to formula, and while I felt guilty at first, it ended up being the best decision for both of us. My daughter needed a healthy, present mom just as much as she needed to be fed.
When I found out I was pregnant again, I was excited… but I was also terrified. I kept wondering if I was going to relive the same experience.
Then Shiloh arrived 6 weeks early.
Because she was a preemie, breastfeeding didn’t come naturally at first. We relied on a nipple shield while she learned, and there were days I questioned whether we would ever get there. Every nursing session felt like another test.
What helped me wasn’t one magical product or one perfect day.
It was reminding myself that every feeding counted—whether it came directly from the breast or from a bottle of pumped milk.
It was giving myself permission to use the nipple shield without feeling like I was “cheating.”
It was having a wearable pump that let me keep pumping while caring for a newborn and my five-year-old.
But more than anything, it was changing the way I talked to myself.
Instead of asking, “Why can’t I do this?” I started asking, “What does my baby need from me today?”
That simple mindset shift took away so much of the pressure.
Today, Shiloh nurses, takes bottles of my pumped milk, and is growing beautifully. Looking back, I’m so thankful I didn’t let my first experience convince me that breastfeeding wasn’t meant for me.
If you’re struggling, I hope you know this: one difficult experience doesn’t define the next one. And if your journey includes a nipple shield, pumping, supplementing, or even switching to formula, you’re not failing. A fed baby and a healthy mom will always matter more than meeting someone else’s definition of success. 
